I want to first start this post off with an apology. I'm aware that I've been slacking quite a bit these past few weeks. I've made very few appearance acts, and it's making me sad, as I've missed writing, sharing stories and of course recipes with you all. The reason for my disappearances lately is because... in all honesty I've had a lot of stuff on my mind. My insomnia was going away... but then some personal things around me happened and it's really affected me psychologically and emotionally. I've seen personal behaviours in myself lately that I'm not too proud of and its due to my anxiety that's been creeping in lately.
One thing that gets really bad when I'm feeling anxious is that my OCD tendencies seem to come out. I write a lot of lists, I'm continuously organizing things in my head, and I clean a lot. Take for instance tonight. I got home, I made my lunch , cleaned the kitchen, started cleaning the living room, looked at the list I actually did write, went to clean my room, folded clothes, then decided it would be a good thing to start packing for my trip... which is 17 days away, then to start packing to move back to Toronto, then I came upstairs, put more things away, etc... etc... yes, it wasn't pretty, but I couldn't stop. I then told myself enough is enough, get the show on the road, take a breath in and a breath out, and I stopped.
However, while all of this was happening I was becoming aware of certain things I've learnt over the past while... some of which I'd like to share.
Age really is just a number. Just because you're twenty doesn't mean you're a child, nor does being forty make you an adult.
Some men really are just boys, no matter how old they really are.
The majority of people you meet truly do not care what you have to say, but use your stories and experiences as things of entertainment and curiosity.
If you have to ask someone "when you are going to see their boobs", the truth is you probably never will.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder yes, but distance also makes you realize who your true friends are. Before moving to Montreal I had certain people who I thought I was going to miss to bits, people who I've considered to be some of my best friends for years, and realized how wrong I really was in that aspect.
People who you would least expect to share wisdom with you can be the most enlightening beings you've ever met. With that being said, really, do not judge a book by its cover.
The most important things to say truly are the hardest. I lost a friend because I was genuinely worried about her, and she took it as being pompous, arrogant and judgmental, when in fact it was neither of those things, nor was it to hurt or make false accusations of.
^ honest really can ruin friendships, even when you're trying to protect them. What's better to let a friend hurt themselves or take a leap and ask what a lot of people are thinking but won't say in fear of hurting ones feelings.
Wisdom truly does not always come with age.
True friends really are a dime a dozen. Again, sometimes the likely of candidates become people who you cannot imagine living the rest of your life without.
Sometimes you really can't have what you want, especially when it comes to people.
Don't be cheap, spend money on a good bra, it does wonders.
Some people will walk into your life and leave the biggest impression on your life. Some will teach you lessons about life, others will offer you words of wisdom, others will teach you things about yourself you didn't know, some will enlighten you about the world in a way you'd never picture it. Others will walk out of your life not knowing what truly could of been there.
One night with someone change you in a way that you didn't think possible, no we are not talking sex here.
Love at first sight does exist.
Listening to yourself, facing your fears, taking chances, sticking up for yourself, standing up for what you believe in, it really is important.
These are just a few of the things that I've felt I've needed to say for quite some time now which I haven't really expressed. All of these little things I've posted have been things that have been keeping me up at night, things that have been running through my head from the second I open my eyes until the second my brain finally stops thinking about it (... which lately hasn't been happening too regularly).
One of those people who I least expected to be knowledgeable or... intellectual to be quite honest shared a piece of wisdom with me that really made go wow. Screw counting sheep. Screw trying to just stop thinking it's not going to happen. Picture a blank canvas, picture your thoughts going onto this white canvas, picture your thoughts as blob of paints, and picture them dripping and running down. Realize that these are just thoughts, they run and run, but know that right now at this moment, you can't change the situation. These are your thoughts that you push away during the day, the things that you don't deal with, and only deal with at night when you are trying to sleep. Thinking about them now is not going to change, it's only going to keep you feeling miserable because you won't be able to change the situation nor will you be able to sleep. Deal with your thoughts during the day when you can make a difference, when something can actually be done and dealt with.
Sometimes you have to truly listen to yourself. You need to listen to your bodies signals. You need to know how to read your body, learn from its patterns and deal with them. If I hadn't suffered from fibromyalgia which later turned into an eating disorder (out of anxiety and depression), I wouldn't know my signs, I wouldn't know my weaknesses, I wouldn't know my strengths, nor would I know how to deal with those faults and push them aside. I am grateful for my past no matter the heartache because it's made me who I am, and it's made me strong. I love myself, body, mind, and soul alike. With all of this being said... just listen to yourself, know when you need to take a second to relax, breathe in and let go.
That was a lot of words, and seeing how this is a food blog there should be a recipe on this post at some point... so here it is.
Over the weekend when I went to the grocery, my eyes quickly zoomed in on the 50% off fruit/vegetable section. Dun, dun, dun a huuuuge bag of bananas! Needless to say I quickly scooped them up because now I can have delicious breakfasts with those cheap fruits! Do not be surprised if the next few weeks you see a lot of smoothies, and banana soft-serves on here. I've been craving them a lot, they are simple to make, and that bag of bananas I swear came with about twenty, so I need to work through that bag before I go to Korea/move back to Ontario (that is going to be an insanely sad day, I never want to leave Montreal).
With that being said this morning was of course based around the use of a banana. This morning I didn't feel like having a smoothie and instead opted for some banana soft serve. This morning I was craving a little carrot cake for my day, and so that is exactly what I whipped up!
This soft serve was so delicious. It reminded me of cupcakes or muffins you'd whip up around Easter time. What I loved especially about this was the colour, the carrot made the soft-serve a simply beautiful orange colour. I'm not a fan of having nuts or raisins in my carrot cake, however, I didn't even think of putting coconut into this (what blasphemy I'm aware), but instead I threw in some raisins, which is a little odd for me, but it worked. I absolutely loved this, and would surely make it again. Carrot cake ice cream? Yeah, I think so!
Note: chia/flaxseeds were not used as I used peanut butter for my protein, and it was a perfect addition since it had the spices that I would throw into a regular carrot cake.
Carrot Cake Banana Soft Serve
- 1 large banana, frozen
- 1 small-medium carrot
- 1 1/2-2 tbsp soy milk
- 1 tbsp gingerbread peanut butter (if using regular peanut butter, add 1/2 tsp ground ginger + 1 tsp cinnamon)
- 1/2 tbsp raisins + more for topping
Peel, wash, and coarsely chop your carrot (this makes it easier on the food processor). Add to your food processor until tiny pieces remain.
Chop your banana into small chunks, add your banana and soy milk to the food processor along with your peanut butter and raisins. Mix until your ice cream texture forms.
Scoop into your bowl and top with additional cinnamon and raisins.
What do you think?